Lost my umbrella

Lost my umbrella
Anisur Rahman BabuAs for most others, the pain of losing a father is unbearable, yet when my father —- Mr M Azizur Rahman — passed away on 31 May 2018 ending his chequered life of 84 years, I bade him goodbye with pride knowing he was always an honest down to earth man. That is the best gift from God.
As he often liked to refer to it, his perception of life was seemed to have been influenced by Rabindranath Tagore’s song “মম চিত্তে নিতি নৃত্যে কে যে নাচে তাতা থৈথৈ, তাতা থৈথৈ থৈথৈ, তারি সঙ্গে কী মৃদঙ্গে সদা বাজেতা তা থৈথৈ, তাতা থৈথৈ,তাতা থৈথৈ . . . হাসি কান্না হীরা পান্না দোলে ভালে , কাঁপে ছন্দে ভালো মন্দ তালে তা লে। নাচে জন্ম, নাচে মৃত্যু পা ছে পাছে”. And “আকাশভরা সূর্য তারা বিশ্বভরা প্ রাণ,তাহারি মাঝখানে আমি পেয়েছি মোর স্থান, বিস্ময়ে তাই জাগে আমার গান,” was another song that also largely occupied his spiritual mind. He used to say he found no example when someone could evade sufferings or agonies. Nevertheless, everyone should enjoy the life. Recently I once asked him should I even enjoy the pain. His reply was “try to enjoy the pain as well”.
However, I cannot enjoy his death, but remember some of his thoughts.
DEATH appeared to be a matter of dilemma that possibly chased him until his last day. He had complete belief in divinity. Yet he used to question if heaven and hell really exist or the holy books mentioned those just as allegorical terms.
Throughout his life, he strictly upheld his integrity and financial honesty. In a gesture of confession, he once told me he, however, maintained the principle, not by preference rather by his nature which won’t allow him to deviate even he wanted. He used to tell me and my younger sister and brother – don’t do anything which could hurt your own conscience. In my childhood, he wanted to be my guide in every footstep. As I grew older he used to tell me to ask my mind what decision I should make.

Love for family and mankind was another quality which he perhaps also earned by default. He used to portray him as an ironman in his professional life as an executive of the government’s administrative service and as an individual in his family and social life. Simultaneously he set an example for people around him how to maintain the dignity that earned him the repute of being a man with guts. But the family members and others who could cross his heart knew — it was fully occupied with love for others. Nature returned him the same blissfully.

Being his eldest child, I recall how he tried to cover me with his own body taking me on his lap as our family was making its way to safety with many others on a dark night as Pakistani troops were advancing with a thirst for blood in 1971. I was a boy of 6 years and could easily walk on my own. Time and again he unknowingly demonstrated his affection even when I reached the matured stage of my life – as if I remained a young child.
He spent his last four days in hospital’s CCU unit and was in deep peaceful sleep for over 24 hours before breathing his last. He was admitted with complaints of infection in the lungs which was nearly cured. But the divinity had a different plan for his final departure. Cancer, which made an abortive assault on him eight years ago, returned overnight leaving this time little scope for his caring doctors to help him out.
In his last moments in consciousness, he used to stare at me with a gesture which clearly meant he was transmitting his responsibilities and blessings to me. My loving mother and my younger siblings also carried the identical feeling as they saw him off. During the last interaction, I asked him: Are you feeling any pain? He replied with a gesture of negation. Again I asked: are you feeling any other difficulty? He repeated the identical gesture. As seemingly he was preparing for his final moment on earth, I just asked him to try to connect himself with the Almighty
I declined to agree with many of his point of views. A friend once told me I developed an antithesis of my father. Eventually, I now realize – as a matter of fact he was my mentor, friend. . . You are so wonderful to think of, but so hard to be without.
Rest in peace, Abba. We shall meet again in another world to debate all our issues and until then pray I can play the role of your elder son.
নোট : সাংবাদিক আনিসুর রহমান বাবু’র পিতা এম আজিজুর রহমান ইন্তেকাল করেছেন গত ৩১ মে। বাবাকে নিয়ে তাঁর ‘Lost my umbrella against bad weather – a personal obituary note’ শিরোনামের লেখাটি আনিসুর রহমান বাবু’র ফেসবুক থেকে নেয়া।
এসবিসি/ এআরবি/এসবি